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[27 May 2008|06:04pm] |
Wow- I just found my livejournal again.
It looks like it has been... 16 months?
The guy I wrote about in all these entries; well he ended up becoming my husband. Next week we will be celebrating our one year anniversary :)
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[25 Feb 2007|12:53am] |
This weekend sucks for lots of reasons.
I am highly sensitive today.
Everything sucks.
I want Oreos.
And Matt....
Well at least I can have Oreos.
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[19 Feb 2007|11:37pm] |
I havent written in this thing since October.
I might as well, since all I have to do is study for a test, finish a paper, write some notecards, email a teacher, and look up some cases, and do laundry.....
I am still a procrastinator.
Not that my personality would change in 4 months.
My computer has become incredibly slow and spastic.
And it sounds like a fan, so that's fun.
I am obsessed with I Love New York.
I really don't like any of the guys, I just like New York for some reason.
School sucks balls. I lost the hope scholarship last semester.
Spending way too much time in McDonough with Matt, missing classes, skipping homework assignments here and there... and ending up with a 2.9.
I love orange juice with lots of pulp.
Im drinking it right now.
Well, I'm still with Matt.
Going strong since October.
Lots and lots of drama before that point, though.
He joined the Marines on January 8th.
We write each other letters, and he graduates April 6th from Parris Island.
After that he gets 10 days leave and then off to an infantry school for his MOS.
That's either going to be in Columbus, Ga or somewhere in Virginia.
Of course I am hoping for Columbus.
I turn 21 in exactly one month from today.
March 19.
I am so excited.
The week after that is my Spring Break, and I am going to Daytona Beach with some girls for the first half, and Panama City with different girls for the second half.
I am sooo excited to finally be 21 and not have to worry about shit.
I can be as drunk as I wanna be!
And order a drink anywhere I want to!
Yeaaaaaaaaah!
It may sound strange, but I actually like this relationship that Matt and I have, where we only write letters.
It's different, it's old school.
Not many people get a chance to do this because everywhere has phones and stuff like that.
Letters are neat. I haven't written letters in as long as I can remember.
But now I write them every day.
Stamps are expensive-- they add up.
The first time I wrote that, I accidently typed "ass up".
Haaaaa
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[05 Oct 2006|01:36am] |
I really hate all of the girls on My Super Sweet 16.
School is starting to finally turn around for me.
I cant stop coughing.
I have a test in 12 hours and should really get to sleep.
Life is really really good right now.
And I finally learned how to make these: ♥
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[27 Sep 2006|02:48pm] |
So I should be doing a movie review for my World Lit class, and here I am on Livejournal.
At least its a break from Myspace.
I have never done this awful in school before.
I am failing two classes, and due to excessive abesences, I'm not even sure if I can drop them.
I sure as hell am going to try though.
I really need to be looking for a job; I have a credit card bill worth as much as my car.
A Burger King stacker has 54 grams of fat- more than 8 Subway sandwiches
Wow that's gross.
My hair is darker and shorter.
Not short, still long. Just shorter.
I got a new frog to replace Buddy, who died like 3 weeks ago.
I don't know why I can't take care of anything.
Or stick to a task.
Or get motivated to do good in school.
Or stop buying things impulsively.
Or make a relationship work.
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[10 Sep 2006|10:51pm] |
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i love him, and im gonna love his pancakes.
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[05 Sep 2006|10:16pm] |
blah blah blah.
i am posting in my journal.
blah blah blah.
:)
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| Tequila mockingbird. |
[01 Aug 2006|11:09pm] |
So I went shopping today with my mom for my apartment, and I spent way too much money.
I got:
- An 80 dollar brown egyptian cotton sheet set.... its heaven
- Turqoise duvet cover
- A really cool brown fur rug
- Brown and turqoise curtains
- Really girly shower curtain
- Really girly towels
- A soap dispenser that looks like a bottle of Chanel No.5
- Bath rugs
- Brown and turqoise throw pillows
- Some cool vases
I think that's it.
Matt asked me to go with him to his mom's dinner thing.
Which is just like "......what??"
I'm going to go, I havent seen him mom in a while and I like her.
But I dont like his stepdad.
Anyways, my mom is engaged.
Her and her boyfriend are moving to North Carolina when he gets back from Iraq and theyre going to have a beach wedding.
Yours truly is the maid of honor :)
Im really excited for her.
Third marriage is a charm haha.
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[31 Jul 2006|10:47pm] |
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and by the way, i would pay a million dollars to read that letter if matt ever wrote it.
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[31 Jul 2006|10:17pm] |
I have just ended the longest and shortest relationship of my life.
Well, I didn't end it.
Officially fourteen days, but unofficially since May of last year.
I look at you and I see right through this wall you put up.
You try to act like you don't care.
You try to act like this hardass with everyone.
And everyone really believes you, and they think that you just have no feelings.
Its all absolute bullshit.
I have seen you out of the corner of my eye looking at me in the most adorable way when you don't think I see it.
Ive felt you kiss my forehead when you think that Im sleeping.
I love you with all that I've got to give, and Im willing to do anything I can for you.
I want you to see me the way that I see you, and it's just never going to happen.
And the crazy part is, Im not in a situation where I want this guy and he doesnt want me back.
Because he does.
He's just too scared to give it a shot, and I cant wait on him to change his mind because it's not fair to me.
I just dont even know what to do.
I feel like this is all I write about, and it pretty much is.
It's all anyone hears me talk about.
Its pathetic really that I let a situation like this take up so much of my mind.
I just keep wanting him to wake up and realize what he's had all along and take a chance on us.
But it looks like Im the one who needs to wake up and stop trying to live a fantasy world.
Reality is, Im crazy about a guy who likes me, but he doesn't like me enough to make any sacrifices.
He doesn't care about me enough to stop sleeping with other girls.
He doesn't trust me enough to take a chance on something and put his heart on his sleeve.
So he's just not going to bother. And that is my reality.
I just don't want to accept it.
"Jessica, I like you so much. Soooo much you don't even realize. When you're around, I feel like I can just be myself and its ok. And I'm really bad at words. I could sit down and write you such a long letter and it would be a lot better than what I'm saying right now. I just feel like I might be missing out on something else or someone else while we're doing this relationship. And I dont want to string you along. I dont want to be selfish. And youre in college, you need to have fun and go out and not worry about me. We need to figure out who we are. I'm always going to care about you, you're my best friend next to Harry. I just can't give you what you want so I've got to let you go."
And after a lot of tears, and a lot of apologies on his part, that was that.
I wish I was strong enough to just suck it up and let it go.
I dont know why I cant just leave it alone.
If I didnt speak to him for a month, Id be so proud of myself.
But hell, my dumb ass is probably going to call him tomorrow.
Pathetic.
Absolutely pathetic.
Codie, I was going to call you tonight because I wanted to vent, but Im at my moms for a few days to take a break and I dont have service except for when I go outside, but it's raining.
On a lighter note, Matt and Harry moved all my stuff into my new apartment today. Its really nice, I like it. Rachel and Brandie move into their's on Saturday and Im going to help. I just need to keep myself busy.
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[20 Jul 2006|12:12am] |
I love Ray LaMontagne. Listen to the song Trouble, then listen to Jolene, then listen to Forever my Friend. Thank me later. What's been going on with me....
I went to the macon mall today with Brittany and bought some really cute shoes and a dress Ill never wear. Matt had some kind of epiphany last Friday, and he decided he wants a relationship. So I guess we are together, until he doesn't feel like it anymore, which I have a slight feeling might be coming up soon. I just dont want to put too much faith in it. I am terrified, really. There's really nothing else that I can write about; this is the only thing on my mind right now. That and how excited I am about tomorrow, and this whole weekend come to think of it. Tomorrow is ladies night and we are all going to get ready and get our drinks for a dollar and talk about everyone, and Friday I will see everyone in McDonough and we will all hang out and get drunk. I love that quality time. ♥
I am strangely addicted to Jessica Simpson's song 'A Public Affair'. Go watch the video on mtv.com, its filled with celebrities (Andy Dick, Eva Longoria, Christina Applegate...) and it's really funny.
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[10 Jul 2006|11:16pm] |
brunswick sucks... i am in the middle of nowhere sitting in a single wide trailer that looks like it was decorated in the 70's. I am literally in a swamp. I am in a god damn swamp without a cell phone. And OJ is pissing me off. I dont even know how we have internet connection all the way out here. We passed a nuclear power plant on the way to the trailer park and i really feel like I am in that movie 'the hills have eyes'. I am NOT drinking the water... I want to come home! Oh well, there will be fun stories to talk about at least.
P.S. Tanya, you should call me.... c'moooooooooooon....... c'moooooooon.......
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[05 Jul 2006|08:55pm] |
Things have been good I guess. I have an eye appointment tomorrow to get *sigh..* glasses. Just for sitting in class and driving and stuff so I can actually see things far away (like a chalkboard haha). I want to see snow. Last night was the big fourth of july party, it was a lot of fun except walking in on Matt with Nicole. And him giving me the most half ass apology ever. I wont be visiting for a few weeks needless to say until he really wants to let me know he's sorry, and I really don't think he is sorry so I guess I wont be visiting for a good while. Its all so ironic, when a guy wants something from you he can give you so much bullshit about how much he cares about you and loves you and misses you... and then when you find him with another girl he stays with her instad of chasing after you. Yeah you care about me so much, Matt. On a lighter note.. because this is just making me angry thinking about.. I have a wedding to go to in California in a month or two and I am so fucking excited about it. I've never ever been to California but I've wanted to all my life. OJ is no longer pink, which Im sure makes a lot of people happy. He still doesnt sleep through the night, I really feel like I have a newborn child. It is not easy having a needy puppy. I just had a 20 minute phone conversation with Codie, you could not have called at a better time. I needed to bitch about last night to a person, not a website. Thanks for listening ♥ I love you codster! Well I have rented the neverending story (one of my favorite movies ever) and I have the apartment to myself tonight because Allison is in Atlanta. Milledgeville is so boring in the summer... Im staying in tonight and recovering (from alcohol and a horrible night). Hopefully Ill go to bed early. I think Im hanging out with Brandie tomorrow, I love her. Hopefully Codie too. I really want a grilled cheese sandwich...
Well I hope you all have wonderful evenings!
Highlights of last night:
Drew Glenn showed up. Matt got drunk and poured his heart out to me and it was all what I had hoped for (but I guess actions speak louder than words so this really shouldn't be a highlight). Me and Erin made a secret handshake. Brandie and I found out that the host of while you were out was in the MTV band, 2gether. Beckah Bowen got hit with a bottle rocket (this is not really a highlight but it was really funny once we all knew she was fine). I drunk dialed my mom hahaha. That Naomi girl threw up everywhere and Harry drew all over her. The best part of the night hands down, however: being drunk and crying by myself on the side of the house about what happened, and then thirty fucking people come with their arms open and tell you how much they love you. People Ive been questioning for a while really showed how much they cared last night and that is exactly what I needed :)
Oh and go see the devil wears prada as soon as you can, it was such a good movie.
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[28 Jun 2006|04:03pm] |
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and i miss steven so fucking much its almost unbearable. i just want to run away. :-\
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[28 Jun 2006|03:43pm] |
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Sometimes I really feel like no one wants me around. Thats a horrible feeling. I am just so upset about so many people. Everyone is letting me down. Im losing faith in everybody, and no one is making me think different. I would love for these people that I regularly hang out with to want to get to know me. Or call me. Something, anything. I feel like Im screaming for good friends and to not be stepped over and shit on. Well, I guess I am.
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[30 May 2006|03:21pm] |
I need to take a shower.. I have not showered since Saturday.
I have to wash all of the partying off of me!
What a crazy weekend.
I had planned to come up Saturday night and spent the night with Matt, and leave on Sunday.
Well Satruday was crazy and Sunday we all just kept drinking during the day and swimming at the pool.
Then I decided to go up and visit Tanya and see her and Melissa's new place.
We think it is a good idea to drink screwdrivers while we hang out.
We end up meeting the hot new neighbors... and my stupid ass talks to them.
They invite us to a bar.
We follow.
The place is the shittiest thing I've ever seen in my life.
I closed out a 70 dollar bar tab and made out with a guy in a wifebeater. :(
Sad.
Went to Tanyas, passed out.
Woke up and laughed for hours about all of the nonsense that happened the night before.
Prank called wife beater guy.
Went to Tylers & grabbed a move.
Shortly after, Matt calls me and says everyone is at his house for memorial day drinking and playing softball.
I head down there, completely hungover, and think that it is a good idea to continue the alcohol consumption.
Im drunk playing sports in the hot ass sun in the same clothes I've been wearing for two days.
Then I threw up.
Then I saw Codie <3
Hung out with everybody.
Then I went to bed.
Bleh.
Very hungover but it was so much fun.
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[26 May 2006|07:39pm] |
I dont think Im doing anything tonight.
I went out last night, and Im going out tomorrow so I think Im just going to hang out here.
People are graduating the very moment Im typing this!
Aww, that was me this time two years ago.
With two hours of rain. Grrrrrrr.
Im going to Virginia Beach on vacation with my mom and her boyfriend. Apparantly, I get my own room and I can bring someome. I feel like Im in high school. But at least theres a beach. And some new bars.
Have a good weekend everybodieee
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[24 May 2006|11:32pm] |
Graduation for high school seniors is coming up.
I dont think Im going to go.
I only know two or three people that would be walking, anyways.
Chavon. Ryan. Eric Deleva. Michael Nguyen. Okay four.
I dont have enough friends on here... there's only like one update per day and I have nothing to read! Maybe I should join a group....
Michael McDonald won American Idol.
If Jay Leno and George Clooney had a baby (somehow) it would be this guy.
Sadly, more people voted for the American Idol than for the president of the United States. We sure do have our priorities!
Im still working on getting this guy to like me. Subtle little moves aren't really getting me anywhere. I just don't think he sees it. We'll see this weekend. He just signed on, creepy..
This is OJ, the new puppy <3
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[23 May 2006|06:06pm] |
I wrote this entire section in italics this time last year in my journal. It is so funny how everything is still 100% true one year later.
"My name is Jessica
Ive never done any big drugs
I keep food in my nightstand so i dont have to make trips to the kitchen all the time
I dont know if ive ever been in love or not
I cook some amazing mexican food
I can look at your shoes and name the designer... if they are designer
I can pretty much do that with anything you wear
I wear less makeup in the summer
My toenails are always red
I was grounded once for saying I was going to vote for Kerry
Im going to the beach this summer
I just dont know when or with who six weeks after I wrote this, I did go to the beach with Steven
No amount of money could pay me to vote for Kerry by the way...to clear that up
I cant get the guy I want I ended up getting him, it was Steven
The guy that I can get, I dont really want
But Im trying to make myself because right now its all ive got
Thats me in a nutshell.
I have no idea why Im writing all of this.
I guess sometimes I feel like talking about myself.
Is that shallow? Probably.
Im having a boring summer.I still am
I love you all.
And if i knew how to do those hearts right now.... I would so do them.
But since I dont, all youre going to get is this.
<3 I still dont know how to do those hearts
I have been online all day. I keep thinking about this boy but I dont think its going to work. He's not over his ex, she still kind of strings him along. Im not sure what she's doing really but whatever it is isnt really fair. Either you want to be with someone or you dont, and he shouldnt take maybe for an answer. But you never know what may happen. I hope everyone is having a goooooood summer.
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[22 May 2006|01:45pm] |
When everyone gives you breakup advice, saying things like "youll find someone better" and "you will move on" and "someone is going to appreciate you and be better than him" you never believe it. I always listened to advice but in the back of my head I always told myself "I want Steven, I dont want anyone else, he was perfect for me"...... until I kind of met someone that I have a feeling might be much more perfect.
We shall see. And Im writing again. It feels good. Real stuff, not livejournal stuff. Sentence fragments. I have been single for 30 days now, and Im just starting to notice beauty in the world again. This must be a good sign. I havent been paying attention to spring, and I almost missed it all. Luckily, I havent. This new boy has no idea how happy he makes me. It's nice to be at that very beginning stage again where you wonder if he likes you and you ask your friends. It's cute. I havent been here in a while.
And the best part is: Intellectually, he's on my level. I've never been able to be with a guy that can look outside the box, and be so creative and artistic and ask meaningful questions and just get things. He gets things. Ryan sure didnt. And neither did Steven. But he gets things. And if nothing comes of it, I hope that I have a great friend and we can get things together. Hope you all have wonderful days :)
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